The Engagement process

In many parts of the Muslim world, the engagement marks the day in which the two sides agree for their daughter and son to eventually get married.

It is a day of celebration with relatives and guests from both parties gathered in a single place to feast and get to know each other.

However, getting engaged as understood in Western society is alien to Islam. In reality, there is no true engagement process in Islam, with men and women being encouraged to get married as soon as possible once both parties agree.

Because of this, many cultures actually combine the engagement with the nikah, which means the man and woman become husband and wife immediately under the eyes of Allah.

This solves many problems for the groom and bride, who may not be able get married officially for various reasons, be it education, financial considerations or other practical issues.

For instance, in many Muslim societies, it is frowned upon for unmarried couples to fraternize in public, even if it is only holding hands.

This is overcome by conducting the nikah on engagement day, as long as both parties agree that cohabitation would only take place once the marriage is officially registered.

In any case, the engagement process begins with the two families and their guests enjoying a function to formally accept the union.

During this time, they may decide on a date for marriage. Quite often, the date would not be finalized until much later, especially if either one of the fiancés are studying abroad or looking for employment.

In Malaysia, the engagement function involves a symbolic ritual and takes place in the house of the potential bride.

The groom’s contingent arrives and a male leader of the delegation, usually the father, will utter words to the bride’s male guardian as a formal marriage proposal. The two sides then sit down and discuss the mahr, or dowry, that the husband pays to the wife.