Muslim Matrimonials
Rulings on (Islamic) marriage (Islamic Matrimonials)
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined marriage in a number of aayahs. He says (interpretation of the meanings):
“then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.
And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful).”
[al-Nisaa’ 4:3-4]
“But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one of them a Qintaar (of gold, i.e. a great amount as Mahr), take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and (with) a manifest sin?
And how could you take it (back) while you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant?
[al-Nisaa’ 4:20-21]
“provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property” [al-Nisaa’ 4:24]
And Allaah tells us the story of how Moosa married the daughter of the man of Madyan (Midian) in return for working for him for eight or ten years.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]
“but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them…” [ al-Baqarah 2:228]
These aayahs point to the command to marry, and indicate that it is waajib (obligatory) or mustahabb (encouraged) according to circumstances. Allaah encourages men to choose a righteous wife, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women may be married for four things: wealth, beauty, lineage or religious commitment. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” That is because she will benefit her husband in both his spiritual and worldly affairs, and will protect herself and his wealth, and will take good care of the family and give the children a good religious upbringing.
It is permitted for a man to marry four free women, and he may have intimate relationships with as many as he wishes of slave women whom his right hand possesses. But it is recommended to limit oneself to only one wife if there is the fear of treating them unjustly.
Allaah has commanded men to give women their mahr, which may be a small or large amount, and may take the form of money/wealth or other benefits. A man who has an orphan girl under his guardianship is commanded not to treat her unjustly. If he wants to marry her, then he has to treat her fairly with regard to the mahr, and not give her less than she deserves. If he does not want to marry her, then he should not prevent her from marrying someone else so that she will be forced to give him something of her property or some of her mahr, for this is injustice and oppression (zulm). He has to work in her best interests just as he would do for his own daughters.
If a woman is mature and willingly gives her husband something of the mahr, then he has the right to consume it without any blame being attached to him, so long as that is not because he is keeping her hanging [not keeping her as a wife and not releasing her to marry someone else]. If he keeps her hanging in order to get back all or some of that which he gave to her, he is guilty of a grave sin. Allaah explained the reason behind that by asking how he could take that (the mahr) when he has enjoyed an intimate relationship with her and they have gone in unto each other, and “and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant” [al-Nisaa’ 4:21 – interpretation of the meaning]. This covenant means the obligations of marriage (matrimonials) which include the fulfilment of all rights, the first of which is the mahr. The mahr is reduced by half if the husband divorces his wife before consummation of the marriage (matrimonials) and the mahr has been agreed. She has the right to half of what has been agreed unless either of them gives up his or her half, which then belongs to the other. In these aayahs it is shown that the mahr is the property of the wife and that it should be paid in full when the marriage is consummated; the same applies if the husband dies, because that is a conclusion to the marriage.
Allaah has commanded both partners to live honourably with one another, treating one another kindly and refraining from harming one another. Neither of them should deny or withhold the rights of the other, or object to fulfilling those rights. Living honourably with one another means that maintenance, clothing, accommodation etc. should be provided according to ‘urf (local custom), if there is any dispute as to value and definition. It also depends on the husband’s own circumstances. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him. Allaah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him.” [al-Talaaq 65:7]
Allaah urges husbands to be patient with their wives even if they dislike them, because their nature may change, or He may grant children through them, or there may be many benefits in their living with them and having them take care of their property.
The phrase (interpretation of the meaning): “and you have given one of them a Qintaar (of gold, i.e. a great amount as Mahr)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:20] indicates that it is permissible to give a large mahr, but it is better to be simple in this and other matters, for the best of women are those whose demands are simple.
Allaah has forbidden seven kinds of relatives (for marriage): mothers, including every female in the direct line of ascent (i.e., mothers, grandmothers, etc); daughters, including every female in the direct line of descent (i.e., daughters, granddaughters, etc); sisters from all sides (i.e., including half-sisters through the father or mother); sisters’ daughters, no matter how far the line of descent; brothers’ daughters, no matter how far the line of descent; paternal aunts, i.e., every sister of your father or grandfathers; maternal aunts, i.e., every sister of your mother or grandmothers. Every other female relative is permissible for marriage (matrimonials), such as daughters of paternal uncles or aunts, or daughters of maternal uncles or aunts (first cousins). When there is a relationship through breastfeeding (radaa’), the corresponding relatives of the breastfeeding woman and her husband, to whom the milk belongs, are forbidden for marriage (matrimonials), just as is the case with blood relationships. As far as the nursing child is concerned, the prohibition applies only to him and his children [i.e., his siblings are not affected].
Allaah has forbidden marriage (matrimonials) to four in-laws, three by virtue of the marriage contract itself [i.e., regardless of whether or not the marriage (matrimonials) is consummated]. These are the mothers of your wives, the wives of your sons, the wives of your fathers. (The fourth category is) the daughters of your wives if you have consummated the marriage (matrimonials) with their mothers; but if the marriage (matrimonials) has not been consummated, there is no sin in marrying the wives’ daughters.
Allaah has forbidden being married to two sisters at the same time. The Sunnah forbids being married to a woman and her paternal or maternal aunt at the same time. It also forbids a free man to marry a slave woman unless he cannot afford to marry a free woman and he is afraid of hardship, and the slave woman is a Muslim.
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to marry a kaafir woman and stay married to her, except for chaste woman from among those who were given the Book, Jews and Christians. It is forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man. It is forbidden to marry a zaaniyah (woman who has committed fornication or adultery) until she repents, or to marry a woman whom one has divorced by talaaq three times, unless she has married another man in a genuine marriage (matrimonial), had intercourse with him and been divorced by him, and she has completed her ‘iddah.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning);
“and a believing woman if she offers herself to the Prophet, and the Prophet wishes to marry her a privilege for you only, not for the (rest of) the believers” [al-Ahzaab 33:50]. This clearly indicates that the believers are not allowed to marry except with a mahr that has been stated or agreed upon. If a condition is stipulated that there is to be no mahr, that condition is null and void. Is the marriage itself invalid because of that, or should a mahr like that of a woman of similar status be given, and the marriage remain valid? There are two scholarly views on this point. This also indicates that “quid-pro-quo” marriages are forbidden, where two men give one another their charges (daughters, sisters etc.) to one another in marriage, and the mahr of each woman is the giving of the other woman in marriage.
Allaah states that if a man marries a woman without agreeing upon a mahr, then he divorces her before consummating the marriage, then she should be given a gift – a rich man should give according to his means, and a poor man should give according to his means (cf. Al-Baqarah 2:236).
Giving a gift to a divorced wife in other cases is Sunnah mu’akkadah (confirmed Sunnah), as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And for divorced women, maintenance (should be provided) on reasonable (scale). This is a duty on Al‑Muttaqoon (the pious)” [al-Baqarah 2:241]
Allaah addresses women’s guardians with regard to their marriage in a number of places, for example (interpretation of the meanings):
“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands” [al-Baqarah 2:232]
This indicates that the guardian has a say in the matter with regard to marriage.
The aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant” [al-Nisaa’ 4:21] indicates that there has to be the proposal and acceptance, because the firm and strong covenant includes the proposal of marriage and acceptance, which implies the inclusion of the rights of the wife, including the mahr, etc.
The aayah (interpretation of the meaning) “if they mutually agree on reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:232] indicates that the mutual agreement of the two spouses should be taken into account, and that that mutual agreement should be on a reasonable basis. If a woman agrees to marry a man who is not compatible, then her guardian has the right to prevent her from marrying him.
If a wife is rebellious, Allaah commands the husband to advise her and to forsake her in bed [deny her her conjugal rights]. If she does not then come to her senses, then he may hit her (lightly). If there is the fear that there is a split between them and that reconciliation is difficult, then two arbitrators should be appointed, one from the husband’s family and one from the wife’s family, and they should try to reconcile them if at all possible, whether by giving some compensation or by foregoing some rights, or some other way. Otherwise, they may separate whether by khul’ or by asking for talaaq, depending on the circumstances.
Fath al-Raheem al-Malik al-‘Allaam fi ‘Ilm al-‘Aqaa’id wa’l-Tawheed wa’l-Akhlaaq wa’l-Ahkaam al-Mustanbatah min al-Qur’aan by Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Naasir al-Sa’di, p. 144
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